“I had an intoxicating talk last night with Risa about the nature of relationships as viewed by Japanese and Americans. By the end I felt as if my brain had been taken apart and reassembled in a completely different way.

As young American man, I have the following view of relationships: Until high school, it is difficult to develop a deep relationship with those from the opposite sex due to the pressure of physical attraction. In no way do I believe it to be impossible, simply difficult. Once you’re mature enough to talk with members with the opposite sex, you’ll typically go through one or two small flings before finding someone you’re close with. In America, developing this relationship is a very coveted process and something that is, in my opinion, not looked down upon. Occasionally you’ll hear guys say, “”bros over hoes”" or young women saying, “”girls’ night out,”" but, as a whole, your piers will respect your relationship and acknowledge when you’ve made previous plans with your significant other. These relationships typically continue in college, where you begin to meet those, ‘life changing people.’ When you’re living alone for the first time your mind searches for a parent figure, something to respect and guide your growth. In my eyes, these are the closest same-sex friends you’ll ever develop. Not only is there an element of friendship, but a new level of respect which was non-existant in high school that typically comes into play. Finally, after graduating from college marriage become a possibility. I imagine marriage to be a mirror image of “”the respect based friendship”" you build in college, but with someone from the opposite sex – The person you spend the rest of your life with should be your best friend, someone you respect, and someone you’re deeply attracted to. Keeping that in mind, once your married, your wife becomes the most important person of your life. Coming home from work to see her is a necessity – she is your best friend, your lover, and the person you’ve centered your life around.

When I was taking Japanese Society last year, the line that stuck with me most was: “”Japanese men marry twice, once to their wife and once to their company.”" A typical Japanese ‘salary man’ will work from 7:00-8:00 in the morning until 10:00-12:00 at night. He may or may not see his kids when he comes home and he may or may not sleep in the same room with his wife. I thought to myself, “”The Japanese have the roughest relationships! How can a marriage work like that?”"

It didn’t occur to me until after I came to Japan, “”It’s not a problem for a Japanese man to not see his wife.”" For a Japanese ‘salary man,’ his relationships at work are, in fact, typically more important than that with his wife. Moreover, this isn’t a problem for him. Not being able to come home early isn’t a bad thing, because you’re spending more time with the people closest to you, co-workers. As an American riding the claustrophobic morning train, I assumed, “”all these businessmen must be so depressed, working all day without ever seeing their wives.”" In my ignorance, I neglected to consider the fact, “”work, is simply more important to them than their wife.”" That being said, there’s nothing to be depressed over. When I talked to Risa about this last night, it made things even more interesting.

“”Japanese typically value same sex relationships over man-woman relationships,”" she said. “”For example, something we often say is, “”my friend’s are forever, I’ll break up with my boyfriend someday.”"”" This didn’t surprise me at first, as it’s fairly similar to “”bros over hoes”". But, she elaborated. It doesn’t apply to only simple high school relationships; the Japanese typically hold strong to this principle through life, hence the salarymen spending literally all day at work instead of time with their wives. This was a mindset until coming to Japan I had never realized. But, the more we talked, the more exciting things became. Due to the cultural and linguistic knowledge we posses for each other’s culture, I believe my relationship with Risa has even more potential than an “”American American”" or “”Japanese Japanese”" relationship. There are fascinating elements of each culture absent from the other – it’s incredible being able to chose your words from two languages instead of one. The degree of expression is taken to a whole new level.

So here’s the question: Which culture is correct? Is it better to have a strong relationship with your wife, or a strong relationship with your workers? Before you answer, take a chance to consider your own cultural upbringing and how it will affect your response. As Risa told me last night, “”If man had a choice be in any culture, 99% of the time they chose their own.”"

Personally, I chose the girl ; )”