“Time to get writing. Topic one:

Maturity. Three days ago while I was shaving, I looked in the mirror and had a rather strong epiphany.

“”I’m an adult.”"

I realized.

I’ve gone through such a huge change since coming to Japan that the transformation is tangible, even to me. The bulk of this change is a move towards maturity. There are several factors which have contributed to this change, and several results that have planted themselves in my thought process. I’d love to share these with all of you.

This is the first time that I’ve lived by myself – the first time I’ve had extensive time to myself. With that freedom, I’ve come to learn more about what I truly want. Second, learning a foreign language and being submersed in a different culture has altered the way I think and the way I view others. As I learn more and more Japanese, I find myself wanting to say things that I simply cannot express in English. There are so many aspects of each culture that literally do not overlap at all into the other. This is especially apparent in language, which is the basis for our ‘kangaekata’, or, ‘way of thought.’ Thus, learning a new language is parallel to learning a new way to think, and a new way to see the world. Finally, meeting my girlfriend has inspired me, more than anyone I’ve ever met, to become a better person. When I think of her and the effort she puts into everything see does, it forces me to try harder. For her sake, I want to become someone she’s not only happy, but proud to stand next to.

Those are the causes, let’s hear the effects – a yen for knowledge, a yen for respect, a yen to be treated as an adult. I’m sure that on a subconscious level one of the reasons I’ve been buying clothes lately is because they look me make older. When I look at myself in the mirror with my new jacket and pants, the difference is striking. Everyday while I’m walking to school I see the same ridiculously good looking Japanese man. He is clean cut, well dressed, and walking tall. Each time I see him, I straighten my back, pull back my shoulders, and lift up my chin – unconsciously. The aura of power, knowledge, and proper pride this man carries in just his walk is inspiring. It’s how I want others to look at me. As sad as it might be, that’s impossible with jeans and a T shirt. If it means I have to spend less money on video games and more money on my looks, so be it – I need that eye of respect.

It probably not obvious to most of you, but I’m a bit of a worry wart. I’m constantly pondering various nothings, especially in my own actions, and especially in the context of relationships. I used to worry so much, not giving the trust and respect that my partners deserved. I used to constantly reread my e-mails, even after I sent them, thinking to myself, “”Is this too strong? Did I say too much? Should I have said this instead of that?”" I used to be terrified of my girlfriend meeting an ex-boyfriend or hanging out with another man alone. It wasn’t really an issue with Lisa because I trust her so much, but I would be lying to say I didn’t worry at all.

But, in my moment of clarity in front of the mirror, all of my remaining worries were washed away. I simply realized, “”I can’t worry about things like this. I trust Lisa, and I trust myself. If anything bad were to happen, then it’ll happen. But it’s pointless to think about it and not give her the benefit of the doubt.”" It’s strange, because I’ve always wanted that freedom from frivolity, but thought it would never come. Well, it did. The ‘hope for the best’ mindset has exhausted itself from my mind and been replaced with pure confidence and trust. I looked at the bag of doubt I’ve been dragging behind me for years, let the rope fall from my fingers, turned and walked away. And I know, being able to honestly think like that is a huge step for me in becoming an adult.

My dad has told me countless times, “”I remember sitting in a college class while listening to the professor rant on and on over a countless number of different topics. In that moment I realized my own knowledge of the world around me is equivalent to nothing.”" This is a phrase I’ve been mulling over lately and in my newfound yearn for respect I realize I need to better educate myself. Thus, I’ve begun to do something lately that I didn’t like for a long, long time.

Reading – I’ll save this blog for tomorrow.”