Hello Friends.

My name is Dogentricks.com and this will be the longest, most significant blog I ever write.

There’s a band called Softball that I love. I wrote the lead singer a letter several few months ago that I posted on this site in Japanese. I’ve decided to translate this letter to put things in perspective. Names have been changed.

The letter:

Dear Akiko,

My name is Kevin and I have a rather long story I would like to tell you. If you don’t mind, please read until the end – this is something I’ve always wanted to say but until now have never had the chance.

My Japanese is not very good, so I apologize for any mistakes that may follow. I’m still having a lot of trouble with Keigo and make dozens of grammatical mistakes. I’m not sure the best way to express what I intend, but I’d like to try my best and do so in Japanese.

Anyway, let’s get started with the story. I’ll be writing while listening to Softball.

I was born in America and until around 12 years old knew nothing about other countries and cultures. One day, my class began studying Japan at school. “How interesting,” I thought to myself. It was so foreign, that’s what made it fascinating to me. Until the time I began studying Japan, all the things in my life seemed so familiar to me that I began to lose interest in reality. But, as I studied Japan, that reality became wider. The more you learn about things different from yourself, the more you understand the nature of your own surroundings. Without light, there is no dark. I became more interested in Japan and eventually began studying outside of school. Eventually, I became aware of Japanese music through the world wide web.

By then, I was already a music freak. But I was a freak without a favorite. I listened to dozens of genres and hundreds of bands, but had no number one. One day, while watching AVEX Internet Music Television, I saw the WARAWABE music video.

From that moment, my life was radically changed.

I can’t remember perfectly, but I believe Softball became a part of my life when I was around 14 years old. I was extremely moved as I watched WARAWABE. Of course, at that time I was watching the video without any understanding of Japanese. Even so, I could tell that it was 100% different from the rest. Almost all the artists on AVEX TV are pop. That’s fine, but it’s not my favorite style of music. I first saw Softball’s video in the light space between DA PUMP and Ayumi Hamasaki.

“This is what it means to sing with your heart.” I thought to myself. This is a polar opposite from everything else – young Japanese girls creating a beautiful pandemonium of emotion. Even though I couldn’t understand the lyrics, by the time the video ended I had already made up my mind. “This is my favorite band.” Using the money I earned as a tutor I imported 2 Softball CDs from Japan. I was so moved by their magnificence that I began to study Japanese.

From that time forward, my life became very difficult. Unfortunately, my interest in Japan was a one person trip through the haunted house. I was plagued with terrible ‘bacne’ and had a shoulders indistinguishable from pizza. I was rail thin and had the worst case of teeth my orthodontist had ever seen. I went through spacers, bands, braces, bridges, headgear, and surgeries as part of my regular routine. I still had baby teeth during my last year of high school. I lived with little confidence, and it showed. In that condition, it was easy for people to criticize me. “How weird,” became a echo that pierced my ears daily. “That guy is white, obsessed with Japan, doesn’t understand Japanese, and listens to Japanese punk rock all the time. What a freak.”

I felt secluded at my house and did my best to hide my passion. My older brother gave me a hard time each time I turned on the stereo and my parents constantly told me to turn down ‘that shrieking.’ “Why are you so interested in Japan? Why don’t you study more about your own culture? Why don’t you listen to American music?” I became “the guy who wished he was Japanese” at school, work, and home. I lied about the music I was listening to on the bus ride home because I became exhausted with people telling me my passion was shit. The peak came when I showed up in the school newspaper as ‘most culturally confused’ in an article published by my classmates. This is the reality I lived in for years.

Even so, I continued to live thanks to Softball. In my dark world, Softball was the beaming light that lead me forward. When I got off of that suffocating bus each day, I smiled and walked home listening to Softball. I was lonesome and wanted to cry nearly every night, but I never shed a tear. The single thing that let me smile was Softball. I bought the entire discography and spent countless hours finding the rare music videos. I studied Japanese alone in my room while listening to that beautiful music everyday. Though no one else approved, I followed my passion and enjoyed my way of life.

I am currently 20 years old, well past my years of ill treatment, and studying as an exchange student at Keio University in Japan. Why is it that I received such treatment when I was younger? I never tried to force it upon anyone else; I was never blatantly open or obnoxious about it. Then why? To this day I don’t know. Perhaps everyone was scared to be different. Maybe my parents were afraid to see their precious son becoming lost in a world they knew nothing about. But it didn’t matter to me. I knew from the beginning, “I enjoy studying Japanese because it is a beautiful language. I listen to Softball because they make incredible music.”

I’ve got a site now called Dogentricks.com. The original reason I created the site was to teach a sport known as tricking. After Softball disbanded several years ago, tricking became my passion, and transformed nearly everything about me. In my first year of college I finally found an effective medication for my acne, had my braces removed, and discovered a new body through training hard every day. I literally became a different person entirely.

That person came to Japan last September. Before leaving, I decided to share my original passion with the world and changed the layout of the site to suit Japan. The first thing I wrote was a long article about exactly why it is not strange to be interested in Japan. This page still exists and is known as the ‘purpose’ section of the website.

Akiko, here’s what I really want to say: since I’ve come to Japan, I receive e-mails nearly everyday from people I don’t know, thanking me for creating the site. Most of them look like this,

“Dear Kevin, thank you for creating this website. I‘m also interested in Japan and I’m currently in the situation you used to be in. I get laughed at all the time, but I’m reading your site everyday and it gives me the courage to keep pushing forward. Thank you.”

Before coming to Japan, I never imagined that I’d be receiving mails like this. Yet, it seems this site has ended up becoming something special to individuals all over the world. Hundreds of people come to the site everyday, watching videos, listening to music, talking, supporting one another. This has left me with an incredible feeling of warmth I never knew existed. One more time I feel like crying. And at long last, I finally can. The single reason I’m still here, the single reason that allows me cry with joy is the same band that let me smile 5 years ago.

Today I was watching Softball videos on youtube and stumbled across Akiakane, the band which unbeknownst to be, succeeded Softball after their disbandment. One thing led to the next and I eventually came across this myspace. As soon as I found it, I thought back to my youth and realized I needed to finally write the letter I never could before.

Softball will always continue to shine brightly in my heart.

Thank you,

Kevin O’Donnell

http://www.dogentricks.com

That’s the letter. I cried multiple times while writing it and don’t think I could get through it again without a box of tissues. Yes, this band is the reason you’re reading these letters, the reason I’m in Japan, and the reason I can speak Japanese.

The reply? Frankly, I wasn’t worried. I think more so than anything else, I just wanted to pour out the emotions that had been bottled up inside me for so long. But, there’s no way I could write a letter with that content to anyone but Akiko. I hit the send button on myspace at 3:23 AM and collapsed into bed after an entire day of writing.

I received a reply the next day. Akiko thanked me greatly for the letter and promised another message after the end of their European tour. I continued to blink blankly at the computer screen for several minutes while sipping away at my morning protein shake. Is this real?

I continued training, visited my cousin in Kobe, and even moved. All the meantime I purchased and listened to all the Akiakane CD’s I could get my hands on. The familiar punk chords quickly became the soundtrack to my life just as before. Morning train, study time, coffee shops – Kasumisou was played non-stop on my ipod for weeks.

Then the second mail came. A short message, but one with more firepower than I could have possibly imagined. “Hey Kevin, are you still in Japan? If you’ve got some time why don’t you come to our next show in Chiba? We’ll be covering a ton of old Softball songs. I’ll introduce you to everyone before our stage. See you then!” I began choking on my morning protein shake.

I went to the convenience store the next day to buy a ticket. Much to my disappointment, I was unable to get even a single search result at any of the 3 stores I went to. With the concert only one week away I quickly shot Akiko another message, asking the best way to purchase tickets. The reply was even more intense than before.

Hey Kevin,

My name is Kobayashi and I am the manager of Akiakane. Sorry for the ticket trouble, it’s a small venue, so you won’t be able to purchase a pass in the regular sense. But I’ve made a special reservation for you. Just come to the ticket window and say, “I’m Kevin.” We’ll take care of you from there.

We’re all looking forward to having you at the show. See you on Saturday!

Kobayashi

*Insert quote pertaining to protein shake and shock here*

I spent the entire week at school in a perpetual daze. I missed several days due to my sickness and lost about 5 pounds to the toilet. It was rough, but I finally made a full recovery the day before the show and fell asleep with a smile on my face that stretched from one big ear to the other.

I arrived at the venue 45 minutes before the show with a stomach full of violent butterflies. I literally walked in and out of the building twice due to the anxiety. When I finally mustered up the courage to enter, I was greeted by a energetic Japanese man with a friendly face. “Kevin?” He said to me with a grin. “I’m Kobayashi. We’re excited to have you here.”

“Thank you,” I said with the rest of my remaining logic. “I’m super excited for the show!”

“I’ll grab Akiko,” said Kobayashi, “wait here a second.”

“you’ll what?!”

10 seconds later the person that had pulled me forward for half a decade walked up to me and smiled.

Needless to say I was at a loss for words. My mind became blank and I forgot all the Japanese I had studied for the past 7 months. In a panic I pulled out the CD’s I brought with me, “Can you sign these?!” I said with a crack in my voice as my face continued to twitch.

“Sure,” she said, “do you have a pen?”

Things eventually settled down as I rediscovered my confidence and Japanese abilities. I talked with Akiko for about 30 minutes before the show began – everything from tricking to Softball’s breakup. The entire time I was in a daze, “I absolutely cannot believe I’m here right now.” I said halfway through the conversation. “This is literally a dream come true for me.”

Akiko laughed and said, “Well, I hope we can play a great show for you.”

I eventually came out from backstage and found a place in the audience. My heart pumped violently as I waited for the show to start.

Before Akiakane came on, there were two cover bands that played nothing but Softball songs. The show would have been worth it just for them. When I heard WARAWABE I literally lost control of my senses and flung myself into the mosh pit. I felt as though I was finally in a place where I could express exactly how much the song meant to me. The crowd surged with energy as everyone lost themselves to the music.

Finally, the stage grew dark and Akiakane ran out. The crowd absolutely erupted. Without any hesitation the beat dropped and 2 songs oh so familiar to my ears lit fire to the environment. The energy continued to rise until the band took a short break to introduce themselves.

“Hey everyone, we’re Akiakane. Thanks for coming today.”

And then, the most touching thing that I’ve ever heard.

“Today we’ve got someone who wrote me an extremely moving letter in the audience. His name is Kevin. Please treat him well and enjoy the rest of the show!”

I literally felt the tears welling up in my eyes as everyone around me roared with excitement, showering me with an avalanche of friendly jabs and pats on the back. “Yea Kevin! Let’s make this the best show ever Kevin! Sing, dance, jump!”

The next song started and everything just became a dream. “Kevin!!” The two guys beside me smiled, picked me up, and threw me on top of the crowd. A carpet of hands emerged beneath me and I began surfing on the support of Softball fans I’d waited years to meet. I yelled with joy as I belted out the words to “History.” I screamed with the passion that’d been stuffed up inside of me for so long. Everyone roared with excitement. The crowd carried me to the front of the audience, directly in front of Akiko. She grinned and pounded out the final chorus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is what it means to sing with your heart.” I thought to myself. I can say without any doubt it was the most rewarding moment of my life.

The rest of the show followed suit. An hour of excitement, bodies slamming into each other in a blend of passion and joy. Emotions vibrated into the floor as fans locked arms in a chain of jumping madness. Akiakane conducted the beautiful chaos with grace and shattered my definition of what a ‘good concert’ really is.

After the encore the stage closed and the lights came back on. Eventually people began to filter out the door. I collapsed onto a stool by the stage in an attempt to catch my breath and hold of reality. A couple fans approached me and struck up a conversation. “You’re Kevin right? We read your letter! It was incredible!”

My face twisted in confusion. “Huh?”

“Akiakane published your letter on the band’s blog! Almost everyone here has read that letter dude! It was absolutely incredible. I cried!”

Then it clicked. These were the two guys that picked me up during the show. My heart swelled with appreciation towards the band for publishing my piece on their site, and towards the fans for doing their best to show me the time of my life.

Things continued to improve. Kobayashi came out from backstage and approached me once more. “Hey Kevin, the band is going to a late night buffet, would you like to join us?”

By then I began to feel guilty for having been blessed with such fortune in such a short time. “Is it really ok? I don’t want to be a burden for you guys.”

“Oh don’t worry about it haha. It’ll be great.”

I went backstage once more and bowed deeply before the band for showing me a whole new side of life. I talked with everyone for about 10 minutes before cleanup started. On our way out, Akiko asked me a favor. “Do you mind holding my guitar while we move this stuff to the van?” I looked at the guitar and down at my own, seemingly miniscule hands.

“I’d love to,” I said.

We eventually got down to the parking lot and loaded up the car. “Oh, our conversation from before! Do you want to see some tricking?” I asked the band in delight.

“Yea! Can you do it here??”

I took one step forward, two steps back, and performed the most significant gainer-flash of my life. The band cheered in surprise. “That was sick!” I took 10 seconds to soak up what had just happened. 7 years ago I never thought I’d be able to see Softball, understand Japanese, or perform a backflip. 2 days ago the opposite of all that happened as I was praised by the band after doing a clean gainer-flash in a parking lot after their show. What a world this is.

We walked to the restaurant together, continuing to chat. The euphoric buzz from the show ringed in the air as everyone laughed down the moonlit road.

Arrived at the Izakaya, took of our shoes, and sat around the submerged table. I found my seat between Tanaka, the bassist, and Akiko. Across from me were members from the cover band and Kobayashi. Ordered, drank, ate merrily and continued to talk. I finally managed to calm down and create normal conversation with the band members. I joked with Tanaka about Japanese steak and talked with Akiko about the various differences between Japan and American culture, the meaning behind the music, fashion, and travel.

Our conversation eventually branched into Akiko’s original reason for becoming a musician, her future dreams
and aspirations. “Why is it that you wanted to become a musician?” I asked. “How about a different line of work?”

“It’s what I love,” she said with conviction.

“My older brother is a salaryman and my older sister is a housewife. They both chose to lead those lives, but that’s something I can’t do. Even if I’m living with my parents, I prefer my life now. I was so happy when I read that letter–when I think about Akiakane, I don’t care about publicity or record sales. The most important thing will always be the roaring fans.”

I thought about the lyrics to ‘History’ as she spoke.

You can’t find tomorrow’s answer even if you look for it
You can never find it, forever
Another wind will blow tomorrow
Breath in and make your own way

I think if any musician other than Akiko had said it I would have taken the confession for granted. But when I think about the influence she had on my own life and the person I’ve become, I came to a sudden stop in my career path and sat down to think. I feel like I’ll be sitting here for a long time, trying to find exactly what it is I want to end up doing. When I finally figure it out, I’ll let you guys know.

I continued to snack on yakisoba and sip my tea, trying to wrap my mind around reality. The highlight of the meal came when a member from the cover band commented on my Japanese. “You speak Japanese very well! How did you get so good?”

In a mixture of bashfulness and joy I pointed to the person sitting next to me and smiled. “I’m not very good, but I wanted to understand Softball’s music when I was younger so I studied Japanese by myself for a while.”

“That’s great. I’ve never met a foreigner that was so easy to talk with.”

“Yea I know, his Japanese is really amazing,” said Akiko.

I began choking on the noodles in disbelief. This was the sentence I never thought I’d be able to hear. My will for study seemed to instantly double.

I could go on for pages about my Saturday night. I could continue this blog all the way up until I got home at 6 oclock Sunday morning. I could write 1000 words about how I cried countless times the following day. But I’d like to end the narration here and come to the meaningful conclusion.

Follow your dreams. I used to be the guy everyone laughed at because he was different. I used to be the skinny Japan nerd just waiting to be criticized. I couldn’t speak any Japanese, I couldn’t do a cartwheel. But I found something that I liked and I found something that I could reach for. I found Softball and I found tricking. I found my dreams.

And regardless of what anyone said about those dreams, I chased them everyday. I never knew how they would turn out. I never expected them to blossom into what they have now become. But when I think about what has happened to me in the past 72 hours my eyes instantly begin to water. Every aspect of anything I have ever wanted has flourished into so much more than I could have ever imagined. I was held by the hands of friends I never knew at the concert of my dreams. I performed real tricking in front of the most influential people in my life. And finally, my Japanese was praised by the individual who originally inspired me to study.

This is, even now, something I absolutely cannot believe.

Be a good person, take nothing for granted, and follow your dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Train hard.