Here is a full translation of the blog below:

Homesick

10 months have passed since I came to Japan. In that period, I never once was homesick. But, in the past few weeks, I have become extremely anxious to return to the States.

If you ask why, it’s because my lifestyle is different. Of course I love studying Japanese, I have a great group of wonderful friends, and my girlfriend is perfect. Moreover, I’m not troubled towards money and am basically free to do the things I want. So, why is it that I suddenly became so homesick?

It is because my lifestyle is different. To be more specific, I’m dying to train. Before coming to Japan, for a period of 4 years i thought of one thing and one thing only – Tricking. Everyday I woke up thinking about tricking. All throughout class I thought about tricking. And I trained my ass off everyday, training and tricking every free minute I had. I religiously followed an absurdly strict diet. That was my lifestyle and I loved it. I felt strong, I felt like the things I did carried meaning, and I felt like everyday I was become a little bit better as a person. The thing that made me happiest is that I inspired those around me to exercise and could see the change in not only myself, but others as well. I pushed myself to ridiculously heights, so much that I couldn’t move my body. I can easily say that I worked much harder than I do now, and that I loved it.

But, that can’t be helped. Before coming to Japan I decided that I was going to spend my time in Japan studying Japanese. Coming all the way to Japan and spending my free time tricking instead of practicing Japanese with my friends is not only a waste of a once in a lifetime opportunity, but a waste of money as well. Furthermore, I had a ton of injuries when I first came to Japan and doubt that I could have tricked well anyway. So, I worked my ass off and studied Japanese for 10 months.

Studying was pretty rough at first. More than rough I would say it just wasn’t too much fun. Of course I had come to Japan, but I had very few Japanese friends and thus very few chances to actively practice Japanese. When speaking with my dorm friends I’d switch into Japanese to save the atmosphere and only speak with my girlfriend in Japanese out of nervousness. This left me with one way to study – watching dramas. Though I came all the way to Japan, I ended up sitting in my room in front of my computer and repeated what I heard in Orange Days.

But because it’s Japan, even that was fun. I often went on dates with my girlfriend, and hung out with my dorms friends, exploring the unseen corners of Tokyo. I never really felt like I was good at Japanese, but I continued to study while having fun. Then I went to Osaka and hung out with a ton of people that could speak no English, and finally found confidence in my speaking abilities. I can back to Tokyo and started a completely different lifestyle.

A new quarter at school started and I made a ton of great Japanese friends. I became close with the fans of my favorite band and went to a ton of incredible shows. I spoke more and more Japanese every time that i met my girlfriend. Lastly, I moved into a home of Japanese people who can’t speak English. In my current lifestyle, I hardly ever use English. I’ve become much better at Japanese that I had previously predicted and am satisfied with my progress as an exchange student. Of course I want to become much more fluent, but I never thought I’d be able to write a blog like this in Japanese before coming to Japan.

Huh? Tricking..? The light inside of me that is tricking slowly faded and faded as I become more used to Japan and Japanese. I never thought I’d be able to forget, even momentarily about tricking, the thing that literally made me a new person. Honestly, it makes my chest hurt to think about. I noticed my declining passion two weeks ago while I was walking home from work. Akaiyami by THE BACK HORN came on my iPod – for the first time since coming to Japan.

Roughly one year ago, every morning I rode my bike to gym in Seattle’s light rain. The trip takes about 10 minutes, and during that I time I always listened to THE BACK HORN’s Akaiyami. 2 weeks ago that song came on my iPod and a carpet of goosebumps covered my arms as I suddenly remembered the fierce passion that I pulsed in me every second, everyday. I looked down at the ice cream I was holding by my thinned arm and nearly started to cry. “”What’s happened to me?”" I thought to myself. “”This is not the person I want to be, this is not Dogen.”" I know that if I could see myself now through the eyes of myself one year ago, I would be very, very disappointed. From that moment, I went tricking.

As I imagined, my body had become very weak and I couldn’t trick very well. Nonetheless, it was the best I felt in months. I honestly think if the only thing I ever did was train and trick I’d be more than happy for the rest of my life. “This is IT!” I thought to myself. “This is what it means to LIVE, to MOVE, to BREATH!” and since that day, the old fire that used to glow inside me has once again been ignited in a passionate glow.

Unfortunately, I need to wait until I go home before I really start my training. I’ve got finals all this week, no money, more Akiakane shows I want to go to, more people I want to meet, chilling out with my girlfriend, and a bunch of personal things I need to take care of before I go home. Joining a gym with 3 weeks to go would be foolish, to say the least.

But, I want to trick.

For the time being, I’ll poke around at that fire. Once I get home I’ll light my lifestyle back into a blazing flame and train my heart out. This time around, I’m not letting it go out.