Best commercial I’ve seen in a long time.

Hello friends, Dogentricks.com here.

Well, today I have some good news.

I got my Japanese driving license （日本運転免許証）today. Up until this point, I had been using my international driver’s permit to get myself around, but the knowledge of the July deadline was constantly haunting me like some sick, twisted Casper. See the thing about my job (ALT on the JET Program) is that I get 20 vacation days a year. The catch, however, is that I can only use about a fourth of them. Let me explain.

In Japan, everyone has a wealth of vacation days. In fact, the average bullet-train businessman has just as many free days as their SUV toting American counterparts. Why, then, is it that the Japanese have such a work-a-holic image? Well, because the Japanese simply do not take their free days. If you get sick, you don’t take sick leave, because that’s just not fair, especially if you have vacation days left over! Wait, what? That’s right, it’s pretty much the status quo to take your own vacation days when you get sick. This is because Japan is a team based society, and the Japanese would rather go to work and work in the team, or perhaps work towards that promotion, than stay home. So, while the average employee has an abundance of vacation days, nearly no one takes then, knowing that their co-workers are working their butts off for the promotion. How am I going to get promoted if Hitomi Hamasaki has worked 5 more days this year than me? Guess I won’t take my free days this year either!

While the above paragraph is a stereotype and a generalization, it is for the most part true. True to the extent that although my contract says, “you will have designated sick leave,” my boss tells me, “you will have designated sick leave–in the form of your own vacation days LUL.” That being said, although I have 20 days off every year, I need to have 5 in the hole at all times. Furthermore, I had to take days off to set up my internet (it’s not a necessity), and set up my bank account, because Oita Bank closes at 3:30. HA. So, let’s do the math!

20 days off
-5 biohazard precaution days
-1 day off to set up my internet
-1 day off to set up my internet again (doh, I moved)
-1 day off for mandatory bank problems

We are left with a grand total of 12 days off each year. Now, here comes the climax—can we get a drum roll? Getting a Japanese driving license, which is absolutely essential of me to work, also comes out of my free days. This wouldn’t be such a terrible thing if getting a Japanese license meant a few hours at the local licensing center. However, it is a terrible thing, because getting a Japanese license for an American is a nightmare.

There are five mandatory steps to acquiring a Japanese license (for all you Yankees). First, you’ll need to go to JAL (Japanese Auto Federation—think of it like the rising sun version of AAA), and have your license translated. This comes out to 3000 yen, and that is about $30.00. Alright! Next, you’ll need to bring that, and every fragment of your driving history to the prefectural licensing center. That’s right, there is only one licensing center in the prefecture, so forget about your 30 minute waits at the local DMV. Here, you’ll be laughing in the corner for hours!

Once you’ve arrived, you’ll need to pass several tests—paying hefty fees along the way. There is a Japanese interview of your driving history, a written test, a vision test, and the dreaded aptitude test. If things go well, you’ll only have to shell out approximately $80 (not including your translated license) once. If you fail, you have to pay again. My interview was fantastic—just a couple jolly old Japanese men looking to chat. We ended up talking more about Fukuzawa Yukichi than anything else (awesome). The written test, on the other hand, was cut your wrist awful. Although the questions were all extremely easy, their translations were terrible, and I ended up getting the lowest possible passing score because of my failed interpretation of the patchy English. It was more like a run in with the Riddler than a driving test. For example, there was one question that said, “You may never pass or cut off driving novices.” Now, I’m well aware that you shouldn’t cut off n00bs to the road, but it’s clearly legal to pass them on a multi-lane road. No, it’s not. You’re not to get close to novice drivers. Wait, that’s not what it says though, it says you’re not to pass them. I know, but if you look up the Japanese translation, it says get close to, so technically you’re wrong. I took the test in English though. Well, anyway you passed, so don’t worry. ROFL.

Lost in translation out of the way, it was time for the skills test. This is the big one–the average foreigner fails the aptitude test nearly 5 times. You have to memorize the driving course and execute each operation nearly flawlessly. And with the countless ridiculous steps, such as checking under your car for babies, breaking three times before every turn, and literally saying ‘rodger’ at every mirror check, there is no margin for error. This is why everyone fails, all the time. I’ve met a handful of JETs that have taken 6 or 7 tries to obtain their license. The people who went before me today were both taking the test for the third time. It’s not an easy ordeal by any means.

Wait—hold up. If the only driving center in the prefecture is more than an hour away, and you’re forced to wait several hours each time you go, doesn’t that mean a single session will take nearly a whole day? Yes, it does. That, in turn, means the average foreigner will have to take an additional 5 hair ripping vacation days to get their license.

12 vacation days left
- 5 for getting your license

A more realistic grand total of 7 vacation days a year (for those who haven’t already obtained their license). I had used 3 of my days already to visit some friends in Nagasaki and Fukuoka, leaving me with a mere 4 vacation days until July. So, until today at 3:48 PM, I constantly had an itch of the back of my mind, always reminding me, “you’d better get your license out of the way, because if it takes you longer than average you won’t have ANY vacation days left, and then you will be SOL.”

I passed each test today on my first try. Hello, spring break.

Finally made a video.